Case 87: The Pink Hammer Incident
by Luna Luce
Summary: Just when Carlisle thinks that he will have a peaceful Saturday at work. Bella breaks her toes in the strangest incident ever. All hell breaks loose while she waits in the lobby and it doesn't stop when she has to face the rest of the Cullens afterwards. O/S


**Disclaimer: This story is based on characters created and owned by Stephenie Meyer. No money is being made and no copyright infringement is intended. The idea is based off an actual incident that happen to a friend of mine, who gave her permission. She was my muse for this one-shot. **

**Beta'd by: flamingpen18, hapakids, and Watermelonsmellinfellon**

* * *

Carlisle was making his rounds in the hospital. It was a beautifully overcast and quite peaceful Saturday morning. He was hoping to get out of there early and spend some time with his lovely mate. Perhaps, he could take her to that enchanting little clearing with the clear pool of water in the center.

He had just sat down at his desk when he got a page.

"Paging Doctor Cullen. We have a slight emergency in the lobby."

Carlisle sighed as he got up, all the while praying that it wasn't Emmett, faking another injury.

He stepped out into the hall and ran into one of the nurses that usually worked on the weekends.

"Beth, what seems to be the problem?"

Beth took one look at him and burst out laughing, her face turning a deep shade of red as she gasped for air. She shook her head back and forth, pointing to the other nurse in the hall.

"Tammy?"

Tammy flipped her long red hair over her shoulder as she rolled her eyes at Beth. "Well, as you can see doctor, it's clearly a case of hysterics, but that's just with Beth. The situation in the lobby, well, that's a bit of a strange case. One of the strangest I've ever seen. Not to mention that the young woman is the Chief of Police's daughter."

Carlisle held up his hand to cut her off, chuckling a bit. He started to slowly make his way to the lobby, knowing that Bella probably just sprained her wrist or twisted her ankle.

"Oh, I know all about Bella's ability to land herself into the hospital on any given day."

Tammy snorted. "Yes, but Doctor Cullen this time it's a bit different."

Carlisle tilted his head toward her, his golden eyes flickering to her for a moment. "Oh, and how so?"

"Well, you see, she's a bit incoherent-"

Another nurse came rushing up to them, looking completely frazzled as she stopped panting and biting her lip.

"Doctor Cullen, you have to come quickly. Bella Swan is crying, and her words are incoherent. She keeps going on and on about her toes being broken."

"Oh, Ann, I think she's just in pain, no need to fret. We were just on our way there."

"You don't understand. It wouldn't be such a problem if it was just pain. The problem is she's waving a big pink dildo around. Doctor Cullen, there are children in the lobby. The parents are in a state of horrified shock, and the kids, well, the kids are very curious. Apparently, some of them are very smart. I even heard a little girl telling a boy that her mommy has the same hammer at home except it's purple. And that the only reason why she has the hammer is because her daddy's hammer is smaller and doesn't nail like it use to."

Tammy was snickering at Ann's words as they picked up the pace. Carlisle was mentally cursing himself for getting an office on the other side of the hospital.

"It's complete mayhem in there, sir. I mean, the little boys seem to know what the dildo is suppose to represent, because I've had about three little boys drop their pants to compare sizes."

Carlisle shook his head. He couldn't believe that Bella owned a dildo. It just didn't seem like the sweet innocent girl he knew that was head over heels in love with his son.

"Tell me, Ann. Why didn't someone remove the dildo from Bella's hands."

Ann wrung the bottom of her top in between both hands. "Well, Doctor Cullen, Doctor Bowles tried. It would seem that Bella has a strong grip on it. She wouldn't let it go. She just shook her head and kept mumbling your name and broken toes."

They turned the corner into the lobby and there Bella sat, cradling a vibrating dildo in her arms. Carlisle could hear the low buzz from where he was standing.

He rushed to her side, and she looked up at him with watery brown eyes. "Oh my God, Carlisle, this-," she waved the dildo around, knocking some cups off the small table that stood next to her. "This is the monstrosity that my mother hid in my suitcase. It attacked me. I was searching for my blanket my mother made for me when this thing fell down and hit my toes. I had to show you that I didn't just trip over air."

As Bella continued to ramble on, the waiting room doors opened again and a little girl walked in with her arm in a cast. She stood there with her eyes wide and her blonde curls pulled into pigtails. She slowly turned to look at her mommy and pointed toward Bella.

"Mommy, you lied. You always scream at night that your pink hammer was a special one of a kind, but that's not true, because she has one too."

Bella buried her head in her arms as Carlisle helped her into one of the rooms all the while trying to keep himself from chuckling. All he could think of was how was he going to stop Edward from seeing this in his mind.

He could still hear the little girl and the mother as she tried to explain to her about not telling private business in public.

Carlisle smiled as he thought about how, with Bella being around, there was no such thing as a day off. But today, by far, had to be the strangest and funniest of Bella's accidents so far.

* * *

_***Later at the Cullen Residence***_

The entire coven besides Edward and Emmett was sitting in the living room. After Carlisle had come home from his shift, he told everyone that Bella had broken three of her toes. Of course, Edward picked up his thoughts, and Alice had already seen the incident at the hospital but decided to keep it from Edward until that very moment.

Edward rushed out of the house to go collect his girlfriend, while the rest held in their laughter until he was gone.

"A dildo you say?"

Esme's lips were twisted up into an amused smile.

"How in the world did she get a dildo?"

Emmett cut in with a big smile on his face. "Well you see, Esme, when a girl is having the urges of the sexual nature, she feels the need-"

"Emmett, I know why she would get one, just how did she find the time. She's always either at school, here, home, or work."

Carlisle shook his head as Emmett shrugged and walked outside. The roar of his jeep starting up was all they needed to hear to know he was leaving. The question that ran through everyone except Alice's mind was, where was he going?

Alice covered her mouth as she snickered at the vision she had just seen of Emmett and his destination.

Carlisle snapped out of his thoughts and looked at Esme. "Dear, Bella's mother put that in her suitcase before she moved here."

"Oh my."

Carlisle nodded as he chuckled again. Jasper turned his head toward the door as they heard a car pulling up the drive and the telltale sign of Bella's quickening heartbeat.

"Oh God, Edward, how can I face Carlisle? I mean, you didn't see me. I waved the thing around like a mad woman. And those children, those poor children, I've scarred them for life."

They could hear Edward sigh as he got out and walked around to help Bella out. "Love, I'm sure the children will forget about this day as they get older. Its the parents that will have a harder time forgetting."

Bella whimpered and protested when Edward picked her up. The rest of the coven tried not to stare at the door, but they couldn't help themselves.

"Edward, I whacked a nurse with that thing and not just anywhere. I hit her in the mouth. OH GOD! What is my Dad going to say when he gets news of this? I can hear it now. Poor Chief Swan's daughter was seen in the hospital today, waving around a big pink d-dildo like it was a lightsaber."

There was shuffling at the door, and everyone in the living room leaned forward, "Love, calm down. Everything will be fine."

They could hear the sound of him pressing his lips against her skin, and Bella let out a sigh.

The door opened, and Edward carried Bella into the room. Bella took one look at everyone's faces and blushed bright red.

"So, Bella, did you use the force today?" Jasper asked her with a smirk.

She turned and hid her face in Edward's shirt. Edward shot a glare at Jasper as he looked down at Bella while rubbing her back.

He looked around the room at his family as they tried to suppress their humor. He frowned when he noticed that Emmett wasn't there. A feeling of dread washed over him.

"Where's Emmett?"

Everyone shrugged, except Alice who wouldn't look at them. She was singing the song from _Hocus Pocus_ in her head.

"Alice?"

She shook her head and pointed to the door. Edward sat Bella down on the couch as Emmett pulled into the garage and parked his car. Edward pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to listen to Emmett's thoughts, but Emmett was singing _Hakuna Matata_ in his head.

The door opened, and Emmett stepped in with a large, unmarked, black bag.

"Honey, I'm home!" he boomed and then chuckled at his own words.

That is, until he spotted Bella, sitting on the couch worrying her bottom lip with her teeth. His smile became devious as he walked in.

Carlisle looked at what Emmett was now dressed in and rolled his eyes, "Um, son, may I ask why you are wearing a suit and a trench coat?"

Emmett laughed as he grabbed a chair and pulled it up to the coffee table that sat directly in front of Bella. He looked at Carlisle as he sat in the chair with the bag in between his feet.

"Isn't it obvious, Carlisle? I'm Bella's private investigator." He turned to look at Bella, "Now, Bella, I need you to tell me how you broke your toes?"

Bella hung her head and mumbled under her breath. Emmett leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I'm sorry, Bella. What was that?"

She snapped her head up and glared at him. "I said it was an accident. Something fell on it."

Emmett's smile widened as he reached down into the bag. His hands were nothing but a blur to her as he placed what ever he had in the bag on the coffee table.

When Bella was able to focus, she gasped in horror as she looked at the coffee table that was now covered in various dildos of different sizes. And there, in the middle, was a giant pink dildo.

Edward let out a low growl but was being held back by Rose and, surprisingly, Alice. Emmett smirked over at Edward before focusing back on Bella. He waved his hand over the table as he looked at her.

"Now, Bella, can you identify the culprit that broke your toes?"

Bella's face was cherry red as she stood up. She looked at Emmett before looking back down at the table. Huffing, she hobbled away from the table. Emmett kept asking her if he needed to repeat the question. She was heading toward the kitchen when she heard the footsteps behind her and what sounded like a buzzing noise. Turning slightly, she saw Emmett coming toward her, waving the giant pink dildo while trying to keep a straight face before he started laughing. "Wait, Bella, this one has confessed to breaking your toes. It's willing to do the time for the crime."

The laughter that she heard after that was shocking. She could see past Emmett that the two people that she considered second parents laughing, but it was her usually uptight boyfriend that shocked her the most.

She huffed and turned around. "You know, Emmett, if I didn't know you were absolutely in love with Rose, I would say you liked holding that dildo in your hand a little too much."

There was two thuds behind her. She looked over her shoulder to see Emmett had dropped the dildo, and Edward was lying on the floor silently laughing.

Emmett looked at her with wide eyes and his mouth hanging open, "Damn, I wish it was truly a pink hammer that broke your toes."

Alice smirked before catching Bella's eye as Bella burst out in laughter.

"Pink Hammer is the name of the dildo, or didn't you notice that when you picked it up?"

Bella smirked and hobbled away, humming the Star Wars theme.


End file.
